We learn gender primarily through a process called gender socialization, which involves internalizing societal expectations and norms about behaviors, roles, and identities associated with being male, female, or other genders. This learning occurs through multiple agents and mechanisms:
Major Agents of Gender Socialization
- Family: Parents provide the first lessons about gender by the types of toys they give (e.g., trucks for boys, dolls for girls), the activities they encourage, and the expectations they set for personality traits and behaviors. Fathers and mothers may have different expectations for sons and daughters, which influence children's gender understanding. Parental roles and involvement, such as fathers participating in childcare, can also affect children's gender stereotypes and behaviors
- Peers: Children learn gender norms through play and interaction with same-gender peers, often preferring to play with children of their own gender. Peers reinforce gender-appropriate behaviors both directly (comments, approval, or disapproval) and indirectly (modeling behaviors). This peer influence contributes to gender segregation in play and socialization from early childhood
- Schools and Teachers: Educators reinforce gender roles through classroom organization, grouping, and expectations. For example, teachers may assign different activities or roles to boys and girls, which highlights gender as a social category and reinforces stereotypes
- Mass Media and Culture: Media portrayals, cultural norms, and societal messages further shape gender roles and expectations, providing models of gendered behavior and identity
Theoretical Perspectives on Learning Gender
- Cognitive-Developmental Theory: Children actively construct their gender identity by progressing through stages of cognitive development. They learn to categorize themselves and others as male or female and adopt gender-typed behaviors accordingly. This theory emphasizes that children are active agents, not passive recipients, in learning gender
- Social Learning Theory: Children learn gender-appropriate behavior by observing and imitating same-sex parents and others, receiving reinforcement or punishment for conforming or not conforming to gender norms. However, this theory is sometimes criticized for portraying children as passive learners
- Gender Schema Theory: Children develop cognitive frameworks (schemas) that help them organize information about gender and guide their behavior to conform to gender norms
How Children Learn Gender in Practice
- From infancy, children notice gender differences and receive feedback that encourages gender-typical play and behavior (e.g., boys encouraged to play with trucks, girls with dolls).
- By around age three, children typically form a stable gender identity and begin to understand cultural gender stereotypes.
- Children actively explore gender roles through play, questions, and social interactions, often choosing "gender-appropriate" toys and activities based on societal cues.
- Gender segregation in play is common, with children often preferring same-gender peers, which further reinforces gendered behaviors and attitudes.
- Exposure to diverse role models and inclusive messages (e.g., "toys are toys") can help children develop more flexible understandings of gender
In summary, we learn gender through a complex interplay of family, peers, schools, media, and cognitive development processes, where children both absorb and actively construct their gender identities and roles within cultural contexts. This socialization shapes how individuals perceive themselves and others in terms of gender throughout life
