The phrase "was ich habe, will ich nicht verlieren" is the opening line of a well-known poem by German author Thomas Brasch, written in 1977 and published in his collection Kargo by Suhrkamp Verlag. The full poem expresses a deep inner conflict and existential longing, capturing the tension between attachment and desire for change.
The Poem
The complete text of the poem is as follows:
Was ich habe, will ich nicht verlieren, aber
wo ich bin, will ich nicht bleiben, aber
die ich liebe, will ich nicht verlassen, aber
die ich kenne, will ich nicht mehr sehen, aber
wo ich lebe, da will ich nicht sterben, aber
wo ich sterbe, da will ich nicht hin:
Bleiben will ich, wo ich nie gewesen bin.
Meaning and Interpretation
The poem reflects a profound sense of contradiction and yearning. Each line begins with "but" (aber), emphasizing the speaker's inability to reconcile opposing desires—wanting to hold on to what they have while simultaneously rejecting their current situation, relationships, and even the place of their death. The final line, "Bleiben will ich, wo ich nie gewesen bin" ("I want to stay where I have never been"), encapsulates an impossible wish for a place of belonging that does not exist, symbolizing unattainable peace or identity.
Context and Significance
Thomas Brasch, a poet, playwright, and dissident, wrote this during a period of political and personal upheaval, shortly after being expelled from East Germany and relocating to West Germany in 1976. The poem is often interpreted as a reflection of his own feelings of displacement, alienation, and resistance to ideological constraints. Over time, it has become one of his most iconic works, frequently cited in cultural and literary discussions.
Translation
An English translation of the poem, by Thomas Hübner, reads:
What I have, I don’t want to lose, but
where I am, I don’t want to stay, but
the one I love, I don’t want to leave, but
the ones I know, I don’t want to see again, but
where I live, I don’t want to die, but
where I’ll die, I don’t want to go:
I want to stay where I have never been.